The First Days

Whether reading the book of Bereishit (Genesis) or listening to the lyrics, "Well the first days are the hardest days..." (Uncle John's Band), the "first days" are perhaps the most significant part of any endeavor, every experience, which is not to minimize the power and satisfaction of completion.

Think of the firsts we experienced; how they shaped our lives.

We are born and immediately begin a long, steady stream of first physical sensations - touch, taste, sound, sight and smell. Funny how these sensations shape the experience of many other firsts throughout our lives as well. The first time we were pricked by a thorn or felt snow; our first taste of cinnamon or pickles; the opening notes of a Beethoven symphony or silence interrupted by crickets or cicadas; the enticing aroma of fresh baked bread, just waiting for a smear of soft butter; that first movie that showed how the magic of story or images could transport us into another dimension.

What is it that intrigues me about firsts?

Part of me loves the idea of surprises, how prior to our first steps or tastes or experiences, we never really know where they will lead us. That's why my favorite novels, films, or songs are always the ones where I could not predict the twists and turns or outcomes that would result after page/scene/note one.

There's an idea (the source of which I am still searching for) that the firsts of any particular Torah 'experience' teach us valuable lessons on its definitive characteristics - the relationships between siblings, or parents and children; performing loving acts like visiting the sick or honoring the deceased; the importance of pursuing peace or justice. I sometimes wonder if that was the case with my first experiences - whether they were defining moments.

If I were to recall some of the big firsts in my life, was everything there in front of me that I needed to know or was I embarking on a mystery? Was the mystery the discovery itself of what I was then encountering, or better yet, was it the "as-yet-to-be discovered" that results from an initial encounter in life.

Looking back, I recall meeting one of my closest friends - on the squash court. Both of us had been looking to learn the game and were matched up. After six games, tied at three games apiece, we looked at each other and one of us said, "This is a good place to stop."

Meeting Charlotte, amidst many people milling about, introducing myself and talking for awhile, I never would have known at that time that we would soon be celebrating 20 years of marriage with four beautiful, wonderful children, each a unique first of their own, each providing us new firsts. And now, as our oldest, Esther is about to embark on four years of learning at college, she is about to encounter innumerable firsts and opportunities for surprise, wonder, and growth. (We'll have a lot of unpredictable new firsts, too...)

Some twenty plus years ago I was asked if I could drive several people to and from a funeral in Philadelphia. Sitting in the front with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg, and spending the drive there and back sharing our souls with each other, on the one hand I learned much about our relationship - it was destined to be one of openness, listening and love. On the other hand, I never would have predicted the role that Rabbi Weinberg, my rav, would come to play in my life.

So many firsts in our lives, so many people who enter and shape who we are. Do we pay attention to them? Do we let them play a role in who we are to become? The choice is always ours.

Perhaps that is why it is so significant for us monotheists, that the first first, so-to-speak, is God. While we may be ever searching for understanding, constantly exploring ourselves and our relationsthips, we are the real surprises to God, given our freedom to choose.

Years from now, I pray that my children might say, "Abba haya omer" (Dad was in the habit of saying), "Mikol m'lamdai hiskalti" (From all of my teachers I have gained wisdom). This verse, quoted in Ethics of the Fathers 4:1 (actually from Psalms 119:108), is the raison d'etre, the purpose of my starting this blog, to share my view that we all have something to learn from others, and that we all have something to offer and teach others.

This blog is dedicated, appropriately on National Teacher Appreciation Day, to all of my teachers, past, present and future. And if this first blog entry is any indication of upcoming posts, it will be about drawing from our lives with an open, truthful voice; trying to understand our experiences; and perhaps most importantly, valuing others and what they have to teach us.

With this in mind, I invite anyone taking the time to read this to teach me - to share with me and anyone else reading this - the lessons that you've learned and are able to pass on to us. Perhaps you'd like to begin by sharing what you've learned from one of your first teachers or one of your first formative experiences...